I love pizza...better than sex. Course that's only because I can get pizza.
You know you're an aggresive driver when your horn is broken and you feel like your middle finger's been cut off.
I don't understand women. Women to me are like an old country road: soft shoulders, nice round curves, and confusion when I get to the "Y."
Comedy is a great job. I get to see the joy in the world. When that old lady across the street trips and falls, I've got 10 new minutes of material.
Policemen are getting testicle cancer from putting radar guns between their legs. This proves two things to me: one, the radar gun is a phallic symbol for policemen, and two, there is a higher power of justice in this world.
, the laugh stop on the web